(if i could do my hair like that every day...i totally would)
(all images from http://www.beautyineverything.com/ random search)In today's world I feel like there is so much pressure on going to college. I have gotten the impression that unless you go to college and get some type of degree, you are not sucessful. Well guess what? I'm apparently an epic failure because I got married really young (and wasn't pregnant, so haha to those who thought I was) and didn't go to college! *gasp* What in the world is wrong with me?!
Nothing.
I never really wanted to go to college. I didn't see the point in going, spending all that money for a degree I never really wanted in the first place. I went attempted the CNA class two times at the community college, but dropped out both times because my heart was not in it at all. The second time I took it was in January, and I was only doing it so my husband and I could have more money and I could work better hours; my heart was never in it at all. And the first time I enrolled...I only did it because I felt extremely pressured and didn't want to feel like a "loser" for not going.
All I have ever really wanted to be was a mom. Plain and simple. A housewife, a mother to lots of little children. I have recently started telling people that when I grow up, I want to be a 50's housewife. (Not to mention I LOVE the 50's clothing style...so I would love if I could dress like that every day...just because) Of course I get strange looks, but who cares! I quit caring what people think a couple years ago when I met B and fell in love with him two days later.
Being a SAHM and wife is a calling in my life that I have felt since I was probably 16 or 17. I want to be the one who is always there for my kids, no matter what. I don't want to send them to other care providers all the time when I'm the one that will always provide the best care and best environment. I want to be there for them 24/7, always available and always ready for whatever comes our way. I don't know whether or not I will homeschool yet, however I do have a husband who is in support of it and it is definitely more of an idea now that we're entering into the military world. We will cross that bridge when we get to it. I just know that I learned way more being homeschooled than I would have being in public school systems, I graduated aaalmost two years early, I was able to work at my own pace (whether that meant doing three lessons of one subject per day, or just taking the day off because I felt like it). I pretty much taught myself all that I know math/English-wise and I'd love for my kids to do the same.
Now, being a housewife? That is obviously the 'job' that will come before motherhood (unless God intervenes...). On one of our first few dates at a coffee shop, B sat down and looked me in the eye and said, "I will do what it takes for you to fulfill your biggest dream, what is it?" and I told him. He told me it may not come in the exact timing that we want it to, but that he will work as hard as he can so I can be who I want to be. Being in the Marines was not the path he was originally going to take to reach this dream, but it's the path we're being led down and we don't dare veer off it now. The days I got to stay at home (only on days where I was totally off work) and clean, cook, and do things for him made me the happiest, and he was happy to. I love making him feel appreciated and seeing his face light up when there's an unexpected chocolate cake on the table. Those are the moments I love and I want a lifetime full of them.
Phew, now that I have all that off my chest. I hope you all don't think I'm a crazy, brainwashed idiot. Because I'm not. I know what I want in life, and God is providing. I shouldn't have to explain myself! I thank God for blessing me with a husband I have taken for granted at times, and I thank Him for letting me have another chance at this 50's housewife job! :)
afterthought: what the heck is up with Blogger and it's crazy spacing issues?!?! i have edited this so many times but all the lines between the paragraphs are seriously killing me!!! {now i think it's fixed...sorry for that rant)
