Friday, July 31, 2009

~and...what happens after marriage?

I went to the library today because I haven't been in so long, at least six months. I know I haven't been the whole time BJ and I have been together, so who knows when the last time I set foot inside there was. I got this one book called "I Do, I Did, Now What?" by Jenny Lee. It's about what happens after the wedding, after the expensive dress, after the luxury honeymoon (not that I'll have any of those two things, but still. The concept is the same), and how you'll one day wake up to the provocative realization that you are, indeed, someone's wife. Your husband's wife. Your husband's closest female companion, your husband's best friend, your husband's soulmate, go-getter, meal-cooker, bathroom scrubber, sock-matcher, foot-massager...yeah, you get it. How weird would that be? You go to bed single for the last night of your life, then you suddenly wake up with the realization that there's no way out. I know that's a weird way to look at it, but really. Marriage is a commitment for life, sickness and health, til death to you part (or, preferrably, for time and eternity). If you get in a small fight, guess what? No way out. You've made a promise to God, each other, and all other witnesses to always stand beside each other through thick and thin, for better and for worse.

I was also reading somewhere online, that if you can stay married for seven years, you pretty much have a marriage set for the rest of your lives. After seven years, or right at seven years, there's the Seven Year Itch (which is also a Marilyn Monroe movie), which is supposedly said to bring one of the worst fights of a married relationship. Experts say that if a couple can make it past that, then they're in the running for a lifelong marriage.

My thoughts? I don't think it's about a Seven Year Itch at all. I think a majority of people who end up splitting up do not have God as one of the key focuses of their lives and relationships, friendly relationships or a married relationship. Put God first and everything else will fall into place. As of late that's the story of my life, we've been tithing (even though we're barely scraping by with our gas meters on near empty 75% of the time), praying, and going without just so we can fully trust God to provide. And we've been so blessed for it! I feel great knowing we're fully trusting him to provide our every need.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, "One can be defeated, two can conquer, but a cord of three strands cannot be easily broken" (or something along those lines). I came across that verse in a devotional book residing in my mother's bathroom. I liked the verse so much I've decided to use it in this Sunday's Sunday School lesson for my Junior Class. The meaning of it is simple: a relationship needs each other and God to be sure nothing is broken.

What I've learned from Jenny Lee's book so far is this: trivial things are not worth fighting about. Especially in marriage. The author talks about flipping out because her new husband put his mustard covered knife on the clean white dish towel, soon realizing that when her husband came up behind her, wrapped his arms around her, and said he loved her, everything she was mad about before seemed to disipate into thin air. I have a hard time not holding grudges, so that will be something I'll have to work on!

I know we'll have our fair share of disputes, but nothing we argue over will be worth the cost of a marriage down the drain. All we have to do is remember what brought us together in the first place, pick up, and carry on.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

~a little overwhelmed

We're pretty close to moving in. Of course, he won't be moving in until after we're married, but I say "we" because technically his stuff will all be moved in a few days before we get married, so we don't have to spend our honeymoon (though we're not taking one now) time unpacking and organizing. Right now, the apartment is getting remodeled fairly drastically. The carpeting is being replaced from a dingy 70's green to a modern, neutral "wheat bread." The doorframes are being repainted from a minty, peeling green to a crisp, fresh white. The linoleum in the bathroom and kitchen will be redone as well, but we have no clue what to expect from that.

God has been very bountiful in his blessings for this new place and throughout our whole relationship. Through much prayer and bargain hunting we have been able to receive several gifts and donations for our new house. We got a couch and loveseat from the Bargain Basement at Schewel's for $399, but we only paid $80 as of right now because we financed it. We were given 2 end tables, a coffee table, several pots and pants, a large hope chest, 2 lamps, and several kitchen appliances for free from a neighbor across the street. Even the way the whole apartment worked out was a huge blessing. We had randomly ran into a guy who knew somebody who had nice, safe apartments and it all took off from there.

BJ is waiting to hear confirmation about a job position he was interviewed for at WFUBMC. He was interviewed a few weeks ago, so any day now we should have a response about it. Yesterday he was offered a position as an ambulance driver in a city closer to where he currently lives, but the pay is $.95 less than the other job, and it doesn't include any benefits whatsoever. This is one of the things I love about him- he'll work long hours at jobs he doesn't necessarily love just to make sure I'm happy and taken care of.

As for me...I don't know what I'll do for a "real" job. I'm slaving away at Subway, basically getting nowhere, and have been for 4 years. I work 30 hours a week maybe, making $8/hr with no benefits. The days I'm scheduled can change as drastically as the weather. I want a 9-5 job with benefits, Monday-Friday, weekends off. If I would have stayed in CNA class I could have a job as a CNA at a retirement home making $14/hr. I guess you could say that was my first mistake: dropping out of school.

But, I have been considering joining the rescue squad and getting my EMT-B/Int/Paramedic over the next couple years. If I join the squad now school will be paid for by them, and I can start running calls and gaining experience. BJ is on the squad and has been since we was 17/18, and he loves it. He started paramedic school but quit that because he couldn't do the math. I would love to go through schooling with him but I think he has other ideas about a career right now.

Well, I'm off to babysit. I need to pay more attention to my sister before she destroys even more of my room.

~an introduction

Again, welcome to everyone :) My name is Krystal and I'm eighteen years old (as of June 9th). I was engaged on 6/7/09 to Barry (BJ), and we're planning a wedding very quickly. A small background:

We met at Wal-Mart in March of 2009 (about four months ago). Before that day, I had no knowledge whatsoever that he even existed, but the first day we talked I knew something was different. I would go to his register every night for about two weeks...sometime in there he managed to find me on Facebook and things basically took off from there. I guess you could say I was a little obsessed (don't get me wrong, he was the most gorgeous employee) with this guy I literally knew nothing about. His abrasive personality was surprisingly one of the first things that attracted me to him; I liked how sarcastic but friendly he was. Lord knows why I was attracted to that, but it ended up for the better!

When I met him he was in a relationship with someone naturally I was devastated once I saw that horrible "in a relationship with XXX" on Facebook. Little did I know he wasn't all that into her and they miraculously broke up ("We should just be friends" is the excuse she used) the very first day we became friends through good ole Facebook. That day, we began sending messages back and forth and getting to know each other a little bit better. He went to work, got home, and we ended up talking until about five in the morning. I was amazed. This guy was incredible. For the next week, we saw each other every day, doing random things like going to Taco Bell, walking around our cheesy mall, going to a coffee shop, and going to eat Mexican food. In that first week I learned nearly everything about him, couldn't get enough. I met his family that week at church and was immediately accepted. (At the time I was also looking for a new church home and was in love with this church from the second I visited.) We became "official" on that Easter Sunday; April 12th, 2009.

We saw each other for 60-something straight days. We spent all our time together. At this point I had never felt closer to God. BJ inspired me in my faith and my walk with Christ, something I had always wanted in a guy but was never able to find. I praised God every day for sending me someone as amazing as BJ. We knew from pretty much the first week that we were meant to be together. We had decided from the beginning not to rush anything, because we didn't want what we had to be ruined. One Sunday about two weeks into our relationship we kissed and it was perfect; and a few days after that we said we loved each other. Talk about rushing it! Both of us knew in our hearts that this was real, honest, to-die-for love and we couldn't stop it. Intense attraction at first sight? Yes. Love at first sight? Maybe. I'll never know if it was love at first sight but it was definitely something incredible that I had never felt before.

We got engaged on June 7th, 2009. I knew long before then that this was the guy I wanted to be with forever. He's everything I wanted plus a whole lot more. I love how well he gets along with kids, I love his personality, his faith, his diligence, his perfectionism, his messy handwriting, his honesty, his respectfulness, his integrity, his beliefs, his creativity, his Duke obsession, his ridiculous crushes on impossible celebrities, his sense of humor, and a whole lot more. I love how he treats me with respect, doesn't try to control me, and how he pushes me to be a better person.

We originally decided to get married on March 20th, 2010. Before long we had moved that date up to January 9th, 2010. Now, we're talking a wedding in Aug/Sept 2009. We just don't want to wait. I can't wait. I'm supposed to be getting an apartment around the middle of August and I'm terrified to live alone...don't want to do it. I don't want to marry him just because I'm afraid of being alone...there's more to it than that. Everyone we talk to (almost everyone) is more or less saying, "We don't see why you guys were going to wait until January anyway...go ahead and get married now!"

So about a week ago, we gave up our huge wedding plans and are now pursuing a super, super small wedding in our church with only very close church and blood family present. We're forgetting everything typical and traditional and just focusing on each other. I had bought a wedding dress and accessories valuing up to $600, but I'm returning everything and wearing a simple white dress that was lent to me by his mother. It's more important to have a marriage than a wedding. I want nothing more at that moment than to look into his eyes and know this is where I'm supposed to be, always and forever, for all time and eternity.

I do admit I'm scared of actually marrying and living on our own. It's a huge step for both of us. I know it's not going to be easy; we have some people looking down on us for our decision to marry so quickly. All I can do is explain it's a God Thing, and that through a lot of prayer and thinking this is the decision we have made. We fully believe this is where God has placed us and from here on out we are in this together. Nothing will break us apart. We're held together by the thing that brought us together in the first place: each other. No matter what happens, whether we can't pay our bills, whether one of our cars die, whether or not we have the nicest clothes and electronics, we're in this together. Always.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

~first entry!

This blog is going to be dedicated to one thing and one thing only: for me to write about the adventures of marriage at a young age. I know of a few blogs with similar topics, but they all venture off into other things and it can get confusing. I want this to be an honest, real blog about the ups and downs (hopefully mostly "ups") of young marriage. This blog will be brutally up-front, nothing will be held back.

To everyone 18 & under who is engaged, already married, considering marriage/engagement and to anyone else who happened to stumble across this: Welcome :)