Why I chose not to go to college.

(if i could do my hair like that every day...i totally would)

(all images from http://www.beautyineverything.com/ random search)

In today's world I feel like there is so much pressure on going to college. I have gotten the impression that unless you go to college and get some type of degree, you are not sucessful. Well guess what? I'm apparently an epic failure because I got married really young (and wasn't pregnant, so haha to those who thought I was) and didn't go to college! *gasp* What in the world is wrong with me?!


Nothing.


I never really wanted to go to college. I didn't see the point in going, spending all that money for a degree I never really wanted in the first place. I went attempted the CNA class two times at the community college, but dropped out both times because my heart was not in it at all. The second time I took it was in January, and I was only doing it so my husband and I could have more money and I could work better hours; my heart was never in it at all. And the first time I enrolled...I only did it because I felt extremely pressured and didn't want to feel like a "loser" for not going.


All I have ever really wanted to be was a mom. Plain and simple. A housewife, a mother to lots of little children. I have recently started telling people that when I grow up, I want to be a 50's housewife. (Not to mention I LOVE the 50's clothing style...so I would love if I could dress like that every day...just because) Of course I get strange looks, but who cares! I quit caring what people think a couple years ago when I met B and fell in love with him two days later.


Being a SAHM and wife is a calling in my life that I have felt since I was probably 16 or 17. I want to be the one who is always there for my kids, no matter what. I don't want to send them to other care providers all the time when I'm the one that will always provide the best care and best environment. I want to be there for them 24/7, always available and always ready for whatever comes our way. I don't know whether or not I will homeschool yet, however I do have a husband who is in support of it and it is definitely more of an idea now that we're entering into the military world. We will cross that bridge when we get to it. I just know that I learned way more being homeschooled than I would have being in public school systems, I graduated aaalmost two years early, I was able to work at my own pace (whether that meant doing three lessons of one subject per day, or just taking the day off because I felt like it). I pretty much taught myself all that I know math/English-wise and I'd love for my kids to do the same.


Now, being a housewife? That is obviously the 'job' that will come before motherhood (unless God intervenes...). On one of our first few dates at a coffee shop, B sat down and looked me in the eye and said, "I will do what it takes for you to fulfill your biggest dream, what is it?" and I told him. He told me it may not come in the exact timing that we want it to, but that he will work as hard as he can so I can be who I want to be. Being in the Marines was not the path he was originally going to take to reach this dream, but it's the path we're being led down and we don't dare veer off it now. The days I got to stay at home (only on days where I was totally off work) and clean, cook, and do things for him made me the happiest, and he was happy to. I love making him feel appreciated and seeing his face light up when there's an unexpected chocolate cake on the table. Those are the moments I love and I want a lifetime full of them.


Phew, now that I have all that off my chest. I hope you all don't think I'm a crazy, brainwashed idiot. Because I'm not. I know what I want in life, and God is providing. I shouldn't have to explain myself! I thank God for blessing me with a husband I have taken for granted at times, and I thank Him for letting me have another chance at this 50's housewife job! :)

afterthought: what the heck is up with Blogger and it's crazy spacing issues?!?! i have edited this so many times but all the lines between the paragraphs are seriously killing me!!! {now i think it's fixed...sorry for that rant)

a very lovely, super fantastic update.

(the day he enlisted, I bet he looks so different now. 11/21/10)

Who wants an update?

A really, really good one?

Let's start at the beginning first.

The event that occured last week has had me worried pretty much nonstop, despite me continuous measures to relax. I got another phone call today. And this one was awesome.

It started off with a three minute talking-to from Captain W., an officer at MCRDPI who had called to give me another update on B's training. My face went white as he explained, "I have him back with me again, we gave him naproxen and some other pain meds but he's doing really well; he's really pushing on through the pain..." he kept elaborating and elaborating, and at this point I was thinking, My God! Is he staying or going?!?! He seemed to read my mind.

"As of today, he is a member of ***** Company and his new projected graduation date is..."

YES. YESYESYESYESYES.

YESSSSSS.

He's staying! And wait, it gets better.

"He seems like he could use some motivation. I thought talking to his wife would be a good idea, so I'll let you two talk for a couple minutes."

My heart is racing at this point.

We get to talk for not a couple minutes, but fifteen whole minutes! It was awesome. He was telling me everything; I barely said anything the whole time because he was going a hundred miles an hour, but man. He sounds so different. He said I sounded different too, but no; he did. He's doing great. He is so much more confident and really sounds more mature already. He said that most of today he was being given a hard time for being the 'new' guy, but that it wasn't so bad.

Towards the end of our conversation, he reminded me to get my car inspected. Aaawwww. And it's also nice hearing him say, "I love you" again.

So yes, it was great, and a wonderful surprise. I was told I wouldn't recieve any phone calls whatsoever except for the initial call, so getting two has been nice. However, I won't expect anymore unless it's a call about him being put in MRP again. I'm proud of myself this time because I only teared up at the very beginning and didn't cry the whole time like during the call I got at work last week.

His graduation date is two weeks later, which is also another blessing. I will now be able to take off his whole ten day leave with him, and beforehand I wouldn't have been able to do that because of work conflicts.

God is good.

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." -Luke 11:9

not {our} will, but Yours.

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but Yours be done." -Luke 22:42

(disclaimer: religious talk. sorry if it bothers you...but you know what you were getting into when you followed this)

This sudden possible change of plans has got me thinking like crazy lately. It would completely throw a big fat wrench in our lives and mess up everything we had planned for our future and for our (future) kids. B wanted to make something big out of himself, become one of the few and the proud and earn that title. We felt like we were going nowhere in life and that we wouldn't get anywhere anytime soon with the life we were living. The Marines could offer us financial stability, travel opportunites...a new place to start over completely, and that's what we wanted.

However.

One could say B is running from his initial calling; to preach the Gospel and be a minister in our church. We thought God could use him in the Marines and maybe that's still the plan for his life. Or maybe B is running from his calling and God is going to do whatever it takes to get him back to where he needs to be. Which could very well be living paycheck to paycheck, standing in the pulpit occasionally, a handful of chaotic kids only somewhat paying attention to what he's saying, planning events that no one really shows up to...maybe that's what we're supposed to be doing. Or maybe God has something way better in mind like this: B will get discharged from recruit training, he'll realize that the Marines wasn't where he needed to be, and he will get back in church (which is definitely when our marriage and closeness to each other was the strongest) and we will live happily ever after. And maybe start our own radical church (which is what B and I had wanted from the start).

We don't know.

I do know this: I will be happy with whatever happens. After all, it's not our plans that matter, but God's. What he has in store for our lives, I have no idea. And I certainly don't want to be running so far away from it that He has to use drastic force to get us back in position. I will be more than happy if B gets to stay and fulfill his dream, I will be happy if I get a phone call tomorrow saying he's coming home (although I would still be depressed for a few days...). We are in this together, we can make the most of whatever happens.

Oh, and I also know this: We know where not to live if we ever need a cheap apartment again.

weekend recap and some news.

We'll start off with the news: I heard from my brother today and he has been assigned his permanent duty station! He's headed to Ft. Riley as part of the 1st Infantry division. He's excited and so am I! I can't wait to see him at the end of this summer.

I worked all weekend as you all know, luckily it flew by so quickly and I hardly had time to mope around and complain like usual. I stayed on my toes through all the shifts and God gave me patience to deal with the usual nonsense that occurs daily.

I have received a few letters from B since I've last updated. He got his wisdom teeth out a few days ago and was put on light duty for two days. I bet he's all swelled up like a chipmunk right about now, but maybe not. He said a ton of the guys are having knee problems (including himself) so they're all being watched closely. His blood pressure has came down significantly...which is AWESOME because it was pretty high in the weeks leading up to him leaving. I'm sure it was all just nerves though and he's normal now. He said they eat salt packets every day to stay hydrated and that they also have to pour salt all over their food for the same reason. (yuck...?)

And this next statement will sum up pretty much everything that went on in my head all weekend: What is wrong with people?!

Question time! What is your favorite love song? B told me to buy 'comforting' music with the iTunes card he got me and I'm kind of drawing a blank and I've only purchased seven songs. Help me!

Have a fabulous week (but I'll probably write more before then)!

~K

If you're going through hell, keep going.

"If you're going through hell, keep going." -Winston Churchill

I think I might be right now. Going through hell, that is. They always say that when life hands you lemons, you should make lemonade. My lemons must be rotten because this lemonade isn't very good.

I don't know why God is throwing all this stuff at me right now, I really don't. I feel like giving up and running away. But what would that solve?

Exactly.

NOTHING.

I don't want to go into detail, but my faith and perseverance is being tested so hard right now. It hurts to be told several things by someone and then have that person basically forget everything they have said, and live however they want to. It really, really hurts.

"To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it." -Confucius

I feel betrayed.

I'm hurt.

I just want to cry. And I almost did on the drive home tonight. But I kept it together because I didn't want B asking questions when I got inside.

I need a lot of prayer and good vibes. I want to come out of this with flying colors and be able to share my experience with other people. I don't want to give in to this test, run away, and ultimately fail. No, I'm better than that.

"The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it." - C.C. Scott

It's just that some people (actually...one person) really need to be beat upside the head to get the message. And even then? I still don't know if the message would get through the darned thick skull.

(In other news, I cut off a foot of my hair today. It feels weird.)

"When the world says 'give up,' hope whispers, 'Try it one more time.'" -Unknown

~and...what happens after marriage?

I went to the library today because I haven't been in so long, at least six months. I know I haven't been the whole time BJ and I have been together, so who knows when the last time I set foot inside there was. I got this one book called "I Do, I Did, Now What?" by Jenny Lee. It's about what happens after the wedding, after the expensive dress, after the luxury honeymoon (not that I'll have any of those two things, but still. The concept is the same), and how you'll one day wake up to the provocative realization that you are, indeed, someone's wife. Your husband's wife. Your husband's closest female companion, your husband's best friend, your husband's soulmate, go-getter, meal-cooker, bathroom scrubber, sock-matcher, foot-massager...yeah, you get it. How weird would that be? You go to bed single for the last night of your life, then you suddenly wake up with the realization that there's no way out. I know that's a weird way to look at it, but really. Marriage is a commitment for life, sickness and health, til death to you part (or, preferrably, for time and eternity). If you get in a small fight, guess what? No way out. You've made a promise to God, each other, and all other witnesses to always stand beside each other through thick and thin, for better and for worse.

I was also reading somewhere online, that if you can stay married for seven years, you pretty much have a marriage set for the rest of your lives. After seven years, or right at seven years, there's the Seven Year Itch (which is also a Marilyn Monroe movie), which is supposedly said to bring one of the worst fights of a married relationship. Experts say that if a couple can make it past that, then they're in the running for a lifelong marriage.

My thoughts? I don't think it's about a Seven Year Itch at all. I think a majority of people who end up splitting up do not have God as one of the key focuses of their lives and relationships, friendly relationships or a married relationship. Put God first and everything else will fall into place. As of late that's the story of my life, we've been tithing (even though we're barely scraping by with our gas meters on near empty 75% of the time), praying, and going without just so we can fully trust God to provide. And we've been so blessed for it! I feel great knowing we're fully trusting him to provide our every need.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, "One can be defeated, two can conquer, but a cord of three strands cannot be easily broken" (or something along those lines). I came across that verse in a devotional book residing in my mother's bathroom. I liked the verse so much I've decided to use it in this Sunday's Sunday School lesson for my Junior Class. The meaning of it is simple: a relationship needs each other and God to be sure nothing is broken.

What I've learned from Jenny Lee's book so far is this: trivial things are not worth fighting about. Especially in marriage. The author talks about flipping out because her new husband put his mustard covered knife on the clean white dish towel, soon realizing that when her husband came up behind her, wrapped his arms around her, and said he loved her, everything she was mad about before seemed to disipate into thin air. I have a hard time not holding grudges, so that will be something I'll have to work on!

I know we'll have our fair share of disputes, but nothing we argue over will be worth the cost of a marriage down the drain. All we have to do is remember what brought us together in the first place, pick up, and carry on.

~an introduction

Again, welcome to everyone :) My name is Krystal and I'm eighteen years old (as of June 9th). I was engaged on 6/7/09 to Barry (BJ), and we're planning a wedding very quickly. A small background:

We met at Wal-Mart in March of 2009 (about four months ago). Before that day, I had no knowledge whatsoever that he even existed, but the first day we talked I knew something was different. I would go to his register every night for about two weeks...sometime in there he managed to find me on Facebook and things basically took off from there. I guess you could say I was a little obsessed (don't get me wrong, he was the most gorgeous employee) with this guy I literally knew nothing about. His abrasive personality was surprisingly one of the first things that attracted me to him; I liked how sarcastic but friendly he was. Lord knows why I was attracted to that, but it ended up for the better!

When I met him he was in a relationship with someone else...so naturally I was devastated once I saw that horrible "in a relationship with XXX" on Facebook. Little did I know he wasn't all that into her and they miraculously broke up ("We should just be friends" is the excuse she used) the very first day we became friends through good ole Facebook. That day, we began sending messages back and forth and getting to know each other a little bit better. He went to work, got home, and we ended up talking until about five in the morning. I was amazed. This guy was incredible. For the next week, we saw each other every day, doing random things like going to Taco Bell, walking around our cheesy mall, going to a coffee shop, and going to eat Mexican food. In that first week I learned nearly everything about him, couldn't get enough. I met his family that week at church and was immediately accepted. (At the time I was also looking for a new church home and was in love with this church from the second I visited.) We became "official" on that Easter Sunday; April 12th, 2009.

We saw each other for 60-something straight days. We spent all our time together. At this point I had never felt closer to God. BJ inspired me in my faith and my walk with Christ, something I had always wanted in a guy but was never able to find. I praised God every day for sending me someone as amazing as BJ. We knew from pretty much the first week that we were meant to be together. We had decided from the beginning not to rush anything, because we didn't want what we had to be ruined. One Sunday about two weeks into our relationship we kissed and it was perfect; and a few days after that we said we loved each other. Talk about rushing it! Both of us knew in our hearts that this was real, honest, to-die-for love and we couldn't stop it. Intense attraction at first sight? Yes. Love at first sight? Maybe. I'll never know if it was love at first sight but it was definitely something incredible that I had never felt before.

We got engaged on June 7th, 2009. I knew long before then that this was the guy I wanted to be with forever. He's everything I wanted plus a whole lot more. I love how well he gets along with kids, I love his personality, his faith, his diligence, his perfectionism, his messy handwriting, his honesty, his respectfulness, his integrity, his beliefs, his creativity, his Duke obsession, his ridiculous crushes on impossible celebrities, his sense of humor, and a whole lot more. I love how he treats me with respect, doesn't try to control me, and how he pushes me to be a better person.

We originally decided to get married on March 20th, 2010. Before long we had moved that date up to January 9th, 2010. Now, we're talking a wedding in Aug/Sept 2009. We just don't want to wait. I can't wait. I'm supposed to be getting an apartment around the middle of August and I'm terrified to live alone...don't want to do it. I don't want to marry him just because I'm afraid of being alone...there's more to it than that. Everyone we talk to (almost everyone) is more or less saying, "We don't see why you guys were going to wait until January anyway...go ahead and get married now!"

So about a week ago, we gave up our huge wedding plans and are now pursuing a super, super small wedding in our church with only very close church and blood family present. We're forgetting everything typical and traditional and just focusing on each other. I had bought a wedding dress and accessories valuing up to $600, but I'm returning everything and wearing a simple white dress that was lent to me by his mother. It's more important to have a marriage than a wedding. I want nothing more at that moment than to look into his eyes and know this is where I'm supposed to be, always and forever, for all time and eternity.

I do admit I'm scared of actually marrying and living on our own. It's a huge step for both of us. I know it's not going to be easy; we have some people looking down on us for our decision to marry so quickly. All I can do is explain it's a God Thing, and that through a lot of prayer and thinking this is the decision we have made. We fully believe this is where God has placed us and from here on out we are in this together. Nothing will break us apart. We're held together by the thing that brought us together in the first place: each other. No matter what happens, whether we can't pay our bills, whether one of our cars die, whether or not we have the nicest clothes and electronics, we're in this together. Always.