Back home.

Okay, I'm not gonna lie. The past three or so days have been kinda hard. I held it together a lot better at my parent's house. Now, it sucks being in OUR house alone, sleeping in our bed alone, cooking alone, blah blah blah. As of right now B has only been gone about five and a half weeks, but it feels like forever. This is the longest I've gone without seeing him since boot camp; I would see him once a month, or more frequently, while he was in MCT and MOS school. Arghh!!!

They're scheduled to come home on a certain day, but just about every time he calls me the date has changed. Let's hope it doesn't change again though!

Up there is a picture of our girl, Sadie! She's 15 weeks today and growing so quickly. She eats like a horse...we went from buying a bag of food every two weeks to buying one every 10 days or so. She's sooo hyper but also really smart. Before B comes home, my goal is to get her sleeping in her crate in her kitchen and get her out of our bedroom. I've had her in our room (in her crate) the past few nights just so she wouldn't have such a hard time adjusting to being back in our own house. However, just a few minutes ago, I moved her bed to the kitchen corner where her new "spot" will be. I put her in there for her naptime (usually from 1-3:30ish every day) and she whined for just a few minutes and now she's asleep. Such a good girl! gah I love her. She gets so excited when she sees her leash and gets to go outside; she'll run to the back door and sit down, her little stump tail just wagging like crazy. B has missed her a lot! He always says he'll be glad to get back to his two girls. :)

hi guys, I miss you.

...as the title says.

...but most of all, I miss my husband. He graduated September 9th from recruit training, and OH MY GOSH is he different! But in a good way. I am so head over heels all over again.

He's currently at MCT school and I didn't think I could miss someone soooo much! I hate to say it, but it was much harder letting him go after his ten-day leave than when he left for boot camp. I'm not really sure why; maybe because he's changed so much and he treats me much differently (in a good way!). I'm so blessed to have him and just so darn proud of what he's accomplished, he deserved it more than anything.

Anyway, he has twelve days left of MCT and I get to go down and see him for that graduation. After that, he's whisked away to MOS school...he still doesn't know what his exact MOS is yet; hopefully we find out really soon. I want to know where we'll be stationed because the suspense is killing me!

Okay, time for a confession. I quit blogging here because it seemed to make the time go by super slow; I know it sounds dumb but it's true. I also felt like I sounded depressed all the time and I didn't want to come across that way. However, I have realized that I NEED the support of military spouses because civilians just don't get it.  They try to sympathize but they really don't know what I'm going through and what it's like to be apart from their man 24/7 with no communication, etc. So, please send some love and I'll get back in the habit of blogging! I've been reading all of the blogs I usually do but haven't been commenting or posting my own entries of course. I've realized what a wonderful support system you all have and I need something like that in my life! :)

Finally, a few pictures from graduation/our "honeymoon":

THE letter and other ramblings.

Well guys, I got the letter today. The "I hate it so much, I hate it here. I'm coming home, I hope they send me home. This is b.s," letter. I knew to expect it...but it was just weird actually recieving it.

Luckily, there was another letter in this group (I got three today) that was a total one-eighty of the last one. He realizes he can't just wimp out and be the guy who couldn't handle USMC boot camp. And he knows this is for the best, for both of us.

He says he will make us both proud, and I'm sure he will. It just sucks really bad right now.

I have come to the conclusion that I need to always be doing something, anything or else I'm completely miserable and moping around. I don't want to spend my whole summer like that.

...

I love this boy. My husband. I sound like a giddy school girl talking like that, but I feel like one as of late. Every single letter from him has made me all emotional and teary, and if you know me, then you know that's definitely not the normal Krystal. I was at work reading one tonight and I had to wipe away the tears so my coworker couldn't tell I was crying. I'm just so proud of him. So darn proud. He's chosen the best of the best, the toughest boot camp there is, and you know what? I think it's awesome and very respectable. honor, courage, commitment.

I'm kind of sad I missed the song link-up last week! I'll be back this Thursday. I have a good one in mind :)

a pity party.

Every night around this time I seem to have a pity party for myself. Why? I'm not sure, exactly. I guess because what's happening in my life right now is something I've never experienced. The fact that thousands of women have been through this exact thing before doesn't seem to comfort me the way that it should.

Everything reminds me of him. I know I sound ridiculous, but it's true. I have my iTunes on shuffle but every song haunts me and makes me miss him even more, so I skip it. Well, that doesn't work because then another song comes up (I have included the offending playlist for your listening pleasure). Some songs are really dumb or strange but for whatever reason they trigger my memory. Example, Lady Gaga Bad Romance ... oh my gosh. I was dancing around to that song in the bedroom one night and apparently he was spying on me the whole time with his camera. I was mortified.

I had some pictures developed the day after he left, and I keep going upstairs to look at my favorite one of us.
That one. We aren't the most affectionate couple, but man, I want to hug him right now and not let go. I want a kiss. To hold hands. Something.

I know I shouldn't complain, military wives are no strangers to lonely nights, waiting for letters/phone calls, none of it. They put up with so much and have endured it for so long. I want to be as strong as all of you. I know it takes time, and maybe I'm just so miserable because this is the first time we have EVER been apart; I have seen him every single day (minus one when I had mono) since I MET him. Since March 2009.

Everyone always asks, "So how are you doing?" and I don't want to talk to them because I don't want to talk about how I'm really doing. People come up and give me a hug and some "comforting" words but I don't like that; I don't want to hear it. I don't want a hug.

I just need to remember what the Gunny Sgt. (is that right?) told B (and me, I suppose) as we were saying goodbye, and I was getting tears all over his shirt: "Just remember what you're doing this for. Remember why you enlisted. Think about your future. You're doing it for you, your wife, your future family. Yes, it will be hard as hell, but keep going. Do not give up, you can make it. Just always remember why you're doing this." That makes me feel better every time I think about it.

In other news, sometime next week I have to go to the biiiig city and get my military ID card. What exactly will this be for? Besides TriCare. Will I be able to get military discounts on things even if B is not here? And when does TriCare start; is it after bootcamp? I know I can ask a recruiter/someone about this, but maybe you guys will answer before I call him.

Sorry for the huge vent! It's nice to let it all out. Now, time for some Conan, (who also reminds me of B; we used to watch it every night), who is so not as funny as he used to be, and some Half Baked.

this "no internet" thing...

...I don't like it! It's only been gone a day, but I'm kind of surprised at how much I was doing something on the computer. I've been doing crosswords, organizing stuff, and spending much missed quality time with B since it's been turned off. I guess it's good in a way; I can find other things to occupy my time with instead of pointlessly clicking away on pointless sites that I don't really care about anyway. Had several small breakdowns yesterday. Several actually doesn't even begin to decribe it. I spent most of the day crying my eyes out because every day gets closer to him leaving and I can't accept it yet! I just don't want to. I've seen him every day minus one since I met him and it's going to be so hard to have him gone. While he's gone, however, I have a few things I want to do. Some crazy things I probably wouldn't do if he was here (don't worry, they're all cleared with B so he won't be too shocked when he comes back)...

• 
  
  go skydiving (a birthday present from a coworker)


• 
  
  get s o m e t h i n g pierced, either nose or tragus. Both would be awesome.


• 
  
  Get a bulldog.

That last one is waaay out there for right now, I have to see how the finances are doing while he's away and I won't have my hands on the money he's making. :) I hope to start actually saving for it after my birthday and maybe by Christmas I'll have little Gary the bulldog. (Gary is my brother's nickname...so it would only make sense to name little puppy that!)

Also wanted to say thanks for my few but faithful followers! It really makes me happy to know I have a couple people reading this. I hope that number steadily increases as I put more on here.

Oh, and one more thing! Song Link-Up Week 6! Go to Goodnight Moon to take part in the fun!

That song...yeah. That's pretty much how I've felt the past week or so. Even though I feel better now, it's still my song for the week. So happy tomorrow is Friday! It's my weekend off and I fully intend on relaxing for every bit of it.

on edge.

I. Am. So. Tense.

Maybe that's where all these aches and pains I've never had before have been coming from. Usually at night or late in the afternoon my collarbones, shoulders, and all the way down my arms and sometimes my back just radiates with this dull, achy pain. I don't know why. It's been happening for about two months now.

Oh, my neck. It's hurting too.

This is really annoying.

At first I thought it was my shoes, so I bought some new over-priced ones I thought would do the trick, but to no avail.

I don't know if I should go to a doctor or not (probably won't) but it's just weird because I've never felt this before. However, I have been super tense and stressed about everything lately, mostly with the anticipation and d r e a d of the upcoming departure of my husband.

Question for other mil-spouses: Pre-deployment/pre-anything (in this case, boot camp) does your husband get really irritable and...rude? Today mine said, "I don't care if you come to my graduation, go to your brother's instead if it's that important."

Whaaat? I don't think he really meant that, but they way he said it really, really hurt. Why wouldn't I want to go to his USMC graduation? That made it seem like he didn't want me there. Wouldn't you feel the same way? That's going to be one of the proudest moments of his life thus far and I bet deep down inside he would really be darn upset if I didn't show up. I'm his WIFE.

I hope he didn't mean that. I doubt he did. But the over-thinker in me is (of course) worrying about it.

Back story: My brother graduates from Army boot camp the week before B...I've been told that no, I cannot get off work for that...it's been a big enough deal getting off for B's. I'm almost to the point of this: "Hell with ^&*%ing work, it's my brother and my husband, I am NOT missing either of those graduations!"

My brother and I are so close. So, so close. It kills me to know I probably won't be able to go to his grad, it really does. I'm about to cry thinking about it, actually. If he gets into Airborne school there's graduation for that, but it's not the same.

my brother and I on my wedding day

I just want to quit. But do to unforeseen circumstances, I'm not allowed to. AND IT SUCKS.

I'm about to throw a two-year-old-temper-tantrum about it. I'll stomp my foot and whine and cry and pout and blubber 'til I get my way.

All that is why I'm on edge. Everything is annoying me, I have nightmares about everything, can't sleep good, and I think I'm losing weight. My pants wouldn't stay up today. I don't usually have that problem.

Tell me it gets better?

five things since last time.

I'm glad to be back. I've had this yearning to get actively blogging for a LONG time now. I tried it last year but this time I'm ready. I want to actually have followers and be an inspiration to people.

Since it's impossibly for me to remember everything that has happened since my last post way back in January of 2010, I'll try to recap with five things and a few pictures.

1. The biggest change for us is that he has joined the Marines. He enlisted November 19th, three days before his 22nd birthday. He will leave for recruit training on May 31st. We're both excited about this new part of our lives...but lately it's been kind of hard to deal with (for me) and reality is definitely setting in. More updates on the Marine thing later.
2. I started school...and stopped. I swear, God just doesn't want me to go to college. At least that's what I keep telling myself so that I don't believe I'm a failure. I know what's best for me/us and college just isn't it. I have one thing and one thing only in mind for my career: a SAH wife and mommy. It's all I've ever really wanted to do and thank God I have a husband who supports me with that decision and will do what it takes for me to stay at home with children.
3. We're both scraping by with our jobs. We're just thankful to have them right now. I still can't get full time hours and my paychecks are terrible, but (miraculously) we still have food to eat, clothes to wear, and a roof over our heads. I remember in my last post I mentioned our financial situation was tough, then it got a lot better...and now it's pretty rough again. Just recently too. That's okay though, we still have each other!
4. I don't want to go in to a lot of detail on this next one...but spiritually I'm in a good place and I feel at peace, yet I still crave something and I don't know what it is. I do admit God has not been number one as often as He should be (I've been working a lot of Sundays to get bills paid) and I can definitely tell the effects of that in our lives. However, I still see God at work in my life and if anyone says our problems are a result of not going to church, well, whatever. Whateverrr. I'm as close to God as I ever have been and have been relying on Him pretty frequently lately because of this whole Marine thing and the toll it's taking on me.
5. Mannnn, I can't think of five things. So how about some pictures? (also, meant to put this 1-5 thing under a jump but there is no 'read more' option for me to click on. Don't know what's wrong with that...)
   

picture one: Bridge Day in WV. October 2010.
picture two: Oktoberfest. October 2010.
picture three: Bridge Day again.
picture four: Cody Creek, July 2010.
picture five: 7-4-10

busy busy

After shipping my husband off at 7am with a belly full of scrambled eggs and bacon, I went back to sleep until about 10. Once I got ready for the day, I headed off to mom's house to meet her and Gracie for lunch, then off to the Social Security office to finally get my last name legally changed. The process was a lot easier than I thought it would be; my new card will be mailed to me within 7-10 days. In about 48 hours I'll be able to go to the DMV to get my name changed on my license. Piece of cake.

I went back to mom's house and pulled out my winter clothes from the basement; there were 2 trashbags filled with shirts and jackets. I currently have no where to put the new clothes; our walk-in closet is currently a storage room for all the other stuff we have no room for, and we need to buy some hangers and storage cabinets ASAP. For now, the clothes are laying in our room in organized piles (those of which will probably be destroyed once BJ gets home, he'll go on a manhunt looking for something he misplaced) waiting to be hung up.

We've got church tonight, then after that it's dinner at my new in-laws. He's supposed to get off at 5 tonight, something which rarely happens. :)