Sunday, March 27, 2011

on edge.

I. Am. So. Tense.

Maybe that's where all these aches and pains I've never had before have been coming from. Usually at night or late in the afternoon my collarbones, shoulders, and all the way down my arms and sometimes my back just radiates with this dull, achy pain. I don't know why. It's been happening for about two months now.

Oh, my neck. It's hurting too.

This is really annoying.

At first I thought it was my shoes, so I bought some new over-priced ones I thought would do the trick, but to no avail.

I don't know if I should go to a doctor or not (probably won't) but it's just weird because I've never felt this before. However, I have been super tense and stressed about everything lately, mostly with the anticipation and d r e a d of the upcoming departure of my husband.

Question for other mil-spouses: Pre-deployment/pre-anything (in this case, boot camp) does your husband get really irritable and...rude? Today mine said, "I don't care if you come to my graduation, go to your brother's instead if it's that important."

Whaaat? I don't think he really meant that, but they way he said it really, really hurt. Why wouldn't I want to go to his USMC graduation? That made it seem like he didn't want me there. Wouldn't you feel the same way? That's going to be one of the proudest moments of his life thus far and I bet deep down inside he would really be darn upset if I didn't show up. I'm his WIFE.

I hope he didn't mean that. I doubt he did. But the over-thinker in me is (of course) worrying about it.

Back story: My brother graduates from Army boot camp the week before B...I've been told that no, I cannot get off work for that...it's been a big enough deal getting off for B's. I'm almost to the point of this: "Hell with ^&*%ing work, it's my brother and my husband, I am NOT missing either of those graduations!"

My brother and I are so close. So, so close. It kills me to know I probably won't be able to go to his grad, it really does. I'm about to cry thinking about it, actually. If he gets into Airborne school there's graduation for that, but it's not the same.

my brother and I on my wedding day

I just want to quit. But do to unforeseen circumstances, I'm not allowed to. AND IT SUCKS.

I'm about to throw a two-year-old-temper-tantrum about it. I'll stomp my foot and whine and cry and pout and blubber 'til I get my way.

All that is why I'm on edge. Everything is annoying me, I have nightmares about everything, can't sleep good, and I think I'm losing weight. My pants wouldn't stay up today. I don't usually have that problem.

Tell me it gets better?

3 comments:

Goodnight moon said...

You poor thing! Sending you hugs! I am tense too if it makes you feel any better. I actually just went and got my back adjusted for the first time. It was awesome! And exactly what I needed too!

And don't worry...your husband is just saying things like that to you because he is putting up a wall, it makes it easier for him to have to leave you. He is going through A LOT in his head right now and will be under A LOT of pressure once he is in bootcamp. Just be there to help support him, no matter what. He will need it every step of the way.

Sending you hugs!

Krystal ; That Recruit's W I F E said...

Thanks for that encouraging message! That was just what I needed to hear. I never even thought about going to see a chiro, maybe that's just what I need.

Holly said...

Thank you for following! Every departure makes our husbands cranky, and it is a wall that they put up. But, he is going to re-a-allly need you when he goes to bootcamp, and he is going to look forward to you at graduation. It will be on his mind the whole time. Write, write, write when he gets there.

Oh, and treat yourself to a massage every once in awhile! Being a MilSpouse is stressful, and we deserve the pampering from time to time! :)